My Favourite Book: A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

I am going to start this one off with a huge warning: this book is not at all a pleasant read. It is filled with devastation, pain, and trauma and and is overall extremely unsettling. I find it even difficult to call it my favourite book because how can one love something so horrific? I think I would actually prefer to call this the most beautiful book I have ever read, because of this fact I am certain. The story contained in the 800+ pages of this book manages to be haunting yet compelling, personal yet relatable, terrifying yet so so so joyous and will make you smile just as much as it will make you weep. If you are looking for a book to completely ruin you, while giving you a new lens through which to view life, look no further than this one. I will issue a spoiler alert for this one as I will be discussing some elements of the story that should be unknown to readers when they first pick up this book. I will also issue a content warning as topics such as suicide, sexual abuse, and self-harm will be discussed.

At the beginning of A Little Life, readers will get the sense it is a typical coming-of-age tale of a group of 4 friends - JB, Malcolm, Willem, and Jude - who move to New York City together and struggle to make something of their lives. And this would be correct in the most superficial way. It quickly becomes apparent something is not quite typical about this group of friends. We learn that the mysterious Jude is hiding a traumatic past that even his closest friends are not aware of. As the novel goes on, Jude's story becomes the main focus. This is when the book morphs into a shockingly subversive character study with Yanagihara delivering a stark exploration of abandonment, sexual abuse, mental illness, and the difficulties of going on.

We get a very real sense of how damaged Jude is as self-harm and suicidal ideation are used as motifs throughout the novel. Th scenes depicting these are described in very explicit detail. It is a frequent reminder to the reader that the intelligent, sweet, and caring character we are getting to know in present day is still totally comsumed by his past. I won't go into too much detail, but what we learn is that Jude was abandoned as a child and raised in a monastery by monks who routinely abused him. But the suffering does not end there. Jude is then led to believe he will be saved by Brother Luke - a monk who doesn't quite fit in at the monastery. However, what Brother Luke intends is far more sinister than anything we could ever expect and it sets the course for the remainder of Jude's life as someone who has never experienced love. The graphic depictions of abuse throughout A Little Life are ones I have never encountered before in mainstream fiction. Even iconic novels that tackle similar topics seem to fade out of scenes that depict such abuse, making A Little Life a revolutionary piece of literature amongst its kind. One of the main criticisms of the book is that it offers little justification for the endless torment experienced by the main character and has been described as "torture porn". My thought on this is that although it may be be excessive, the character's suffering is never once sensationalized. Both reader and author seem to care far too much for Jude to fall into this trap.

Yanagihara reveals Jude's gruesome past piece by piece, offering some reprieve to readers as the suffering is balanced out with extended sections in which Jude experiences friendship and success in his career. This allows us to fully comprehend the lasting impact of the past on Jude, and feel true heartbreak as we know him to be a genuinely good person. He feels like he has a total inability to be loved or cared for in a sincere way. He struggles to open up to his friends and frequently evades any questions about his life despite the strain this puts on his closest relationships. He carries his painful experiences with him at all times; emotionally through mental anguish and a self-deprecating internal monologue, and physically through the scars all over his body and the ambiguous diseases that years of sexual abuse have left him with. It is because of these things that Jude believes he is "disgusting" and fears that if he were to reveal "who he really was" to his friends, they would believe the same. The message here is that Jude, as a victim of extreme abuse, feels that he deserves what has happened to them; that this is just what his life is meant to be. "You were born for this", Brother Luke tells Jude, personifying Jude's own inner voices. It becomes apparent that Jude doesn't think someone like him can ever be happy. He is stuck in this inescapable, yet justified cycle that he, his friends, and the reader all know can only lead to devastation. After all, he is named after the Roman Catholic patron saint of lost causes.

However, the universe in which this story exists doesn't endorse such an idea as a "lost cause". In fact, none of the characters, not even Jude's abusers, are condemned to hell, nor is anyone ever offered some kind of moral deliverance from the misery they experience. As evident at the monastery, there is no spiritual salvation to escape to. Love, as demonstrated through Jude's friendships, is the only solace we can find here on Earth. You really do have to read the book to understand the bond between the main group of friends. Though they might come in and out of each other's lives, and it might take most of the novel for Jude to realize this, they love each other irrevocably and equally and owe everything they've accomplished to their friends. While the reader learns more about Jude despite his outward refusal to share his story, you realize how his friends must feel. You feel like Jude's friend. You love him in the ways JB, Willem, and Malcolm love him, though you have been given the privilege of getting to know him better. It comforts us as readers to simultaneously know the extent of the horrors Jude must share, while continuing to love and understand him as a character because we already know how his friends will react. No one will abandon him, no one will think he is disgusting. And Jude will at last know that he is lovable. In our own lives, this encourages us to share even the darkest parts of ourselves, as in genuine friendships, we should only ever receive love back.

I would like to revisit the criticism that Jude's character has been exploited or his suffering sensationalized in any way. As I said before, this just isn't the truth. It is of the utmost importance to state that Yanagihara is extremely careful not to suggest that life must contain suffering for it to contain joy. Jude's story is only meant as an extreme example whereby we understand that no life, no matter how tragic, is less than another. The thing that makes us all alike is that we are all deserving of experiencing love, friendship, and happiness. I think it is easy with a novel like A Little Life (that is one of the first of its kind) to label it as unnecessarily dark. It is also likely due, in part, to just how much Yanagihara makes you care for Jude and the other protagonists. The characters feel so real that you get the sense you could visit Lispenard Street (I have) and look up and see Jude, Willem, JB, and Malcolm sitting on the fire escape, the course of their lives unknown to them, yet you have held them in your hands. You will yearn to do something for them; to stop certain things from happening; to protect them. But just like in real life, you can't always do this. But the comfort in A Little Life is that despite its horrors, it leaves you with one feeling above all others: peace.

I am really grateful this book exists. It has achieved a seemingly unattainable feat whereby it is simultaneously the most horrifying and depressing novel I have ever read, but also the most poignant, thought-provoking, and beautiful. Written in absolutely stunning prose that will have you reading sections over and over again, A Little Life offers a brilliant take on how we carry our past with us, how we let what happens to us define who we are, and how we keep moving forward. I won't say it is inspiring. There isn't really a resolution. It doesn't endorse the cliché idea that love and friendship will heal all and deliver us from any further suffering. After all, mental illness and trauma are very serious and real topics that can last a lifetime. But what it does do is teach us about unconditional love and how this, above all else, is what defines our lives.

Favourite Quote: “You won’t understand what I mean now, but someday you will: the only trick of friendship, I think, is to find people who are better than you are—not smarter, not cooler, but kinder, and more generous, and more forgiving—and then to appreciate them for what they can teach you, and to try to listen to them when they tell you something about yourself, no matter how bad—or good—it might be, and to trust them, which is the hardest thing of all. But the best, as well.”

(Another) Favourite Quote: “There were times when the pressure to achieve happiness felt almost oppressive, as if happiness were something that everyone should and could attain, and that any sort of compromise in its pursuit was somehow your fault.”